as i try to save a sinking ship...

I felt the panic rise in the back of the throat, that way it always does, sneaking up on you, trying to choke you with fear.

I searched the faces of the kids around me.
Desperately looking for the one face that wasn't there.

Talking. Laughing. Everybody was doing it. Oblivious to my panic.
My terror.

I ran through the crowded hallway, that turned into an emptier one, and an emptier one; until I was alone.

As I turned the into the one corridor, I knew so well. Peeked into the World History classroom, 
where I had spent hours before.

And there he was. Sitting alone at the desk by the window. Head down, with his brown hair covering most of his face.

He didn't look up as I slid into the seat next to his.

At first I just sat there, staring at his black Converse on the linoleum floor.
Looking at all the cuts, and bruises up his forearms, exposed by his black tee shirt, that, I knew from experience had some dark saying on it.

"I thought you left" I said in the quietest voice.

"I wish" he replied.

More minutes past. The wall clock slowly ticking. Quietly, I realized that I like clocks that tick.

He ran his fingers through his hair, exposing the beginning of another black eye.
The 5th one this month.

It made me so mad. Not necessarily at him, but at the fact that I was always standing up for him. That he wouldn't just do it himself. It wasn't actually that hard, once you got over the fact that they'd hate you ever more, just not be so obvious about it.

"Why don't you stand up for yourself? They shouldn't be allowed to do those things to you! There are people you can tell, they would help you...."

"Stop" He cut me off.
"You really think anything they could do would help me? I'm a lost cause. Even my parents think so. No one cares if I live or die. Why can't you get that into your brain!"

"Because it's not true" I said slowly.

"Oh yeah?" He looked at me for the first time, his deep, deep blue eyes haunting me to the core.
They were so tragically beautiful, those eyes. "Then who cares?" He whispered.

"I care, and God cares, and that is probably all I can speak for; but you have to realize, that two people are not  considered "nobody". Even if I didn't care; which I do, very very much; God still would, and that would be enough. Because one person, even if he's God, would still not be "nobody". And if I didn't care, if I didn't love you, why would I be here" I said.

"Can I ask you a question?" He said, his eyes locking into mine.

"Ask me anything" I said.

He raised his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes and nodded.

"Why the heck do you care? I have ignored you, been rude to you, gotten mad at you, and you are still here. Why? It doesn't make any sense"

"Because, I want to show even a bit of what God has done for me. I have done so many things wrong, I have probably broken all 10 commandments, and worse, and yet he loves me. And yet he is here for me. Why don't you trust him? Please? He wants you to trust him so badly. Even more than I want you to trust me. He loves you so much he sent his only son to die on a cross for you. How could he not love you? Will you trust him? Please?"

He sighed, and started tracing the initials, hearts, skulls, and doodles, that had been carved into that desk throughout all the years.

He looked out the window.

"How is maybe for an answer?" he slowly whispered.

I smiled in spite of myself.

"I'd say it's pretty good"

I scooted my chair closer to his, then gently reached over to brush his hair out of his eyes.

"I love you, and I always will. I care, and I always will. I have no clue why, so don't even bother asking me, but I do know it's true."

He gave me a small grin, the first one I had seen in a long time.

"Gosh girl, you are so persistent!"

I grinned back.

"I guess you give me no choice"
I stood up and pushed my chair back in, and he did the same.

"So, does that mean you won't cut class anymore, at least until you decide if your "maybe" is a yes or a no?"

He raised his hand and said "Deal"
I smacked his hand, then we slowly walked out of the empty World History classroom, slamming the door, and hopefully leaving our troubles behind.

In 2002, 132,000 people between the ages of 15-24 committed suicide.

9.9 percent of American teens have tried drugs.

The Center for Disease control says that one-third of girls get pregnant before the age of 20., a site managed by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, states that there are "750,000 teen pregnancies annually. Eight in ten of these pregnancies are unintended and 81 percent are to unmarried teens."

What are YOU going to do to stop it?
It isn't that hard. Just look around you. People are hurting everywhere. You can make a difference. Even when you think you can't. People just need to know that they are loved.

Watch me change this world,
Jillian Jett

This story is based upon actual events in the authors life. This post may not be reproduced in any form, with out the express written consent of the Chicago Cubs.


  1. Wow. That's all I can really say. The story is awesome! I'd like to, well, I'd like to make a difference in this world. To me that seems hard for Tunafish to do but I know that GOD can change me and use me to His will. People have tried to tell me this but have always left their love out of the equation. That kinda disappoints me that they would care enough to tell me that GOD loves me, that He loves everyone, but that I'm no different from the homeless guy out on the street. But the love of GOD is for me, though not only me. Everyone needs Him and I need to realize this, that He loved me enough to die for me, but also for everyone. There are so many ways where I can help, I just need to take advantage of those situations for His glory. Thanks for the post and GOD bless! :)

  2. Well written, well written. But do you realize how quickly the Chicago Cubs would sell you out?

  3. Wow! Jillian! You wrote this? This is incredible. Thank you for the post!

  4. Don't laugh at me
    Don't call me names
    Don't get your pleasure from my pain
    in God's eyes, we're all the same
    some day we'll all have perfect wings
    Don't laugh at me
    -Don't Laugh at Me

  5. YOU DID A GREAT JOB WRITING THIS, must i say more?

  6. great job!

    and that was totally my profile pic on blogger (and still is on facebook) for the longest time. scroll down a ways on my blog and you'll find it.

  7. I love this post. Seriously, I think it's one of your best. Is that the kid you were telling me about before that you were talking about? It's a real challenge, at least to me.:)
    -Emma Jett

  8. wow, that's powerful. your writing really paints a picture of exactly how both characters feel.
    the teen pregnancy thing is so wrong. you just can't make life decisions when you're that young.
    haha love the footnote!

  9. no, dude, don't get me wrong, it's not my pic! i got it off flickr. i was just acknowlaging the fact it was cool we both seemed to stumble upon the same picture...

    it's totally cool.

  10. When I was reading this, my eyes were glued to the screen. So so lovely ! I mean, it was, to good!
    I love the picture. Goes very well with it! You're in which grade?
    I passed I'm so happy! I'm in the 10th grade now :D

  11. I just really loved the story :) Jesus loves you back! :D

  12. That was amazing! It really makes me want to jump up and love someone!!

  13. Wow, that was so well written, it was incredible! It really makes you think.

    And I'm pretty good, still a bit sick though. You? :P

    Thanks :) I usually find them on photobucket or google. :P

  14. I'm with Standing 10:13!
    Did you really write that!? Wow...
    I'm gonna go hug people now.

  15. thats amazing. im in awe. really. amen to ALL OF IT. your inspirational girllll :) and to your question, as much as it sucks to get hurt, ive been told time and time again and im actually starting to believe that loving and getting hurt is well worth it. we should all love as if we were never hurt at all. everyone deserves second chances even if theyve done you wrong or hurt you ive learned, i dont deserve Gods love at all. not at all. but he loves me and I feel like if we want to start loving people we got to start realizing God doesnt have to love us unconditionally, but he does. and if we want to be a thing like Jesus Christ when he was on this earth, we need to LOVE like no ones ever done us wrong :)

    hopefully that helped, thats my opinion no matter how sometimes it might sound like im going through a lot, really Gods strength get me through it. i just vent a lot. hahahah


  16. I got the google thing off her blog. :)I had to share after I did it. You guys seem really awesome.

  17. Thanks! (is alright if I only say it once? :P) you are the first follower so I have you to thank :P How am I the best commenter? I man thanks a ton, but I don't comment all too much... Jesus loves you more than YOUR tiny mind can fathom! :D and thanks once again :)


"Sometimes the world seems like a big hole. You spend all your life shouting down it and all you hear are echoes of some idiot yelling nonsense down a hole"
_Adam Duritz

I love hearing things that aren't my own pathetic echoes.