No words.


We throw stardust into the atmosphere and breath deeply in the cold morning air to watch our breath fade off into the distance, a vapor, like our very existence.
The words get caught in the back of our throats and our emotions are tied up in our hearts.
We walk the dusty roads at night out to see the stars and feel like vulnerability of being alone and alive.
There is such a delicate line between alone and lonely and it gets crossed all the time, a wobbly drunk walking the white line at the side of the road, veering in and out of the boundaries of human versus traffic.
The texture of tree bark, all it's rough lines and ridges and the way it feels when I'm leaned up against it with a head full of ideas that don't even make sense, phone ringing in my pocket and "Oh my God" is the only sentence that will come out, said in a whispered tone of awe.
Desperate need to pinch yourself awake, only to realize with a slow shake of your head that this is all, in fact, reality.

As the days fill in and get checked off on my calendar, and I get older and only marginally more wise, I worry that there are feelings that words will never attach themselves to.
The idea scares me.

16 comments:

  1. Your writing style is captivating. Makes me want to force myself to take time off to sit down and write again. Internet five. :)
    I haven't been to your blog in ages! To be honest I forget that I blog and let several months go by without even logging in. It happens.
    But today I remembered! And I wanted to stop by your blog again and say hi! So, hi. :)

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    1. I totally definitely remember you! Your middle name is Christine, too, right?

      Thank you so much, it's been rather frustrating for me lately, so the encouragement is appreciated.

      Nice of you to say hi again. Hi back.

      Peace,
      Jillian

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  2. Jillian, thanks for following my blog!
    I read the "about Jillian" page. You sound like an incredibly awesome person. I wish I knew you in person. You'd most likely be a thousand times more awesome. <3

    I love your writing! (your writing is better than mine) Your style is unique and interesting. I like it!
    Keep up the excellent work, dearie!

    ~Kate

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    1. Kate,
      Thanks for stopping by!
      Hah, the things in the about me are mostly my good day stuff, but thanks for the compliment anyway.
      I wish I knew most bloggers in person.

      There is no such thing as better writers really. Writing reflects ideas, some people just practice at expressing those ideas more. It comes with time, and I have ways to go yet.

      Peace,
      Jillian

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  3. How beautiful:) I love the last line.

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  4. What scares me more is the idea that some feelings may be lost forever and the new ones that may take their place can't be fully appreciated as they are felt at the expense of the former. Will words replace sounds or sounds replace words? A shift to the left or right will change my perception of clarity, perhaps providing enough confusion and distortion to wreck me.

    The dust in the air from the road... if the light hits it right everything is beautiful and though not new, shines are sparkles. But from another direction, light makes everything dull and old. The trick isn't to see all the sides of the dust but to see past the dust to what's of real quality. But we want to get lost in the dust sometimes. Sometimes feeling less dirty than others. But there's a field of wide and vibrant green, home to millions of fireflies and humming birds, past the glorious and rippling waterfall at the end of this cave. There is so much in that wider world that i can't know about, and i'm excited to be slowly moving closer to it =) This dust, though seemingly pretty, is nothing in comparison.

    maybe a different kinda dust, but i figured it related =P

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    1. Jonah,

      What if that dust is just simply whispers of the lives that have past that tell us to look at something larger than our menial lives? To see past the concrete sidewalks and neon strip malls that flood our horizons and look up to the sky at night to appreciate the beautiful parts of the universe while we are still alive?

      And maybe those former thoughts will only be nagging ghosts in our memories, but eventually we'll just accept the fact that those ideas are all we know to be true at that point in time.

      I would like to make you aware that you are officially on my "People I would love to write a book with" list.

      Here is a quote that I think you'll appreciate:

      "I finally figured out that the interesting idea about reaching for something divine, trying to do something extraordinary in art, and never being quite able to reach that.

      The really messed up part about doing that wasn't the idea that you couldn't reach something perfect, it was that you spent all our time reaching for something perfect but you forget to actually touch any of the humans around you.
      Kind of lose your humanity."
      _Adam Duritz

      Please keep writing. You're amazing, man.

      Peace,
      Jillian

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  5. Beautiful writing! You are very talented. The very first words are what caught my eye: "We throw stardust into the atmosphere..." Love it.
    Kristin @ Serendipity

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    1. Hi Kristin!

      Thanks, half the time I sit down without a clue as to what I'm going to type, it's sort of a surprise to me.
      You have a fantastic blog too.

      Peace,
      Jillian

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  6. gosh I love your writing.
    And that scares me too. a lot honestly.

    I said it on Instagram... but you're header is gorgeous.

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    1. Thank you again, Jana.

      Isn't it such a terrifying idea?

      You're an amazing blogger friend (follower is dumb name).

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  7. I love the end. That was really powerful and very true. You know someone's a good writer when they say something beautifully and you realize with surprise it's something you've felt before--or something a part of you has always known. They access something that's really within all of us--and just put it into words. Or art. Or music.

    I also really like the quote below the comment box here. I'm gonna have to find out who that guy is.

    I miss you and your blog, too. Sorry I haven't been good about commenting. I miss all of your words.

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  8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au4qN41XjyE

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  9. It's late and I'm too tired to formulate a good, thoughtful comment about this post aside from just saying, I love it and I love you, but I want you to know that I read it so this comment will have to be it for now.

    ReplyDelete

"Sometimes the world seems like a big hole. You spend all your life shouting down it and all you hear are echoes of some idiot yelling nonsense down a hole"
_Adam Duritz

I love hearing things that aren't my own pathetic echoes.