"I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me.
I see what I want, I want what I see.
And that is all okay by me"
_Itzah C. Kret

She thinks that when he looks at her, he sees what's inside.
And that idea scares her to death.
He sees the craziness in her head.
She sits across from him, and she stares at the ceiling, 
because to look him in the eyes would be disastrous. 

So he looks up at the ceiling, with eyes made out of the sky, then glances back at her face.
And he understands. She is there in my body, but her head is elsewhere.
Floating above the industrial ceiling, with all of it's pipes and wires painted in monochromatic colors.

She remembers the day when he looked at her, shook his head and said:
"Sometimes I think to myself 'What is she thinking?'".
And she bit her lip to hide a smile, and he shut the door behind her, following the girl inside.
She is not exactly sure why he bothers to try and figure her out. 
It is somewhat charming in a way.

This… this whole thing will never become anything.
He is the kind of guy who will find an amazing, awesome, funny girl who will love him, 
and be there, in a steady way.
Not some girl like her, who wears black and plum, tripping over her feet, lost in her own head, writing things down in composition notebooks, whispering Smashing Pumpkins songs under her breath in time with the overhead stereo, going out of her way to be alone.
Especially not some girl who didn't notice his existence so lost in her world was she.

But it's not a sad world, all the time. It's quiet, full of scientific terms, rock music riffs, lines from books, glossy magazines, sandpaper grip tape, colorful photographs and dark poetry.
And although he's curious about the world in which she lives, she knows that it's only a mild curiosity. 
A kind of curiosity that makes him want to peek into the room, but not step into it.
So she doesn't offer him the key.


  1. Jillian, this is amazing :) You're so talented!

    Thanks for telling me about my photo...I wonder how it ended up on weheartit?

  2. Really totally relateable ..which might not be a word, but I think it is.

  3. But what if he knows of pain but knows that greater pain will ensue for he himself is not trustworthy. The thought keeps his feet in irons but his weary eyes gaze at that obsidian door. He wonders if revelation and fading scars is worth death if it will appear so soon. He hears her inner sound. So he knocks.

  4. Katie: Aw, thanks. Been working on my creative writing. If you click the link above the image you can trace it.

    Britt: Thanks!

    Cait: Long time no contact!
    Relatable is a a good word.

    Then maybe if he gathers the courage to knock, she will shyly bring herself to look through the peephole. And when she sees him standing there, she'll back away with burning cheeks. So she slides down against the door, and hears yet another faint knock.
    Maybe she will slowly stick her head out the door to see if he is in earnest.
    You rock, Jonah.

  5. I love this post beyond words, really, even after reading it twenty times. The way you took that struggle and described it for all that it truly is- that is art at its finest.


  6. I think the continuation here is nice too.

  7. I love your blog! I stummbled on it and I'm glad I did! I have a question did you take that picture of the girl on this post? I luv it!


"Sometimes the world seems like a big hole. You spend all your life shouting down it and all you hear are echoes of some idiot yelling nonsense down a hole"
_Adam Duritz

I love hearing things that aren't my own pathetic echoes.